#10 of "30 Things to Stop Doing to Yourself"

“Happiness comes from within. It is not dependent on external things or on other people. You become vulnerable and can be easily hurt when your feelings of security and happiness depend on the behavior and actions of other people. Never give your power to anyone else.” ~ Brian L. Weiss

#10 - Stop exclusively looking to others for happiness. – If you’re not happy with who you are on the inside, you won’t be happy in a long-term relationship with anyone else either.  You have to create stability in your own life first before you can share it with someone else. OUCH!!! Haven't blogged for about a week because this one hurt when I first read it and the words just wouldn't come out. Happy with what is inside... Hmmmmm???

Am I happy with me inside!? The outside now that's another story and easy to answer. NO :/ Yeah yeah I know I have to take the steps to fix that too, and I am! That is something that takes a little bit longer time to correct... Baby steps. Will I ever be a size 3 again doubt it unless I become a total tweeker and that's not going to happen!

But I am happy with the inside me. I heard a perfect quote last night in a movie I was watching that fits the way I have felt lately, "I'm alone not lonely." It's not so much that I am not happy with what is inside, that is the problem. I don't have problems being in long relationships. Both of my last two relationships combined have taken me through most of my adult life. Between the two more than 25 years. I think it is more of the "peer pressure" feeling like I don't belong because most of my friends, the people I hang out with, are all couples. Would I like to be in a relationship again? Of course! One of these days that is. I like to have fun, socialize, hang out, drink, party, take care of someone, spoil em rotten and be intimate. But for right now I kinda like just being alone, not having to answer to anyone else. If all I want to do is curl up in bed to watch "what I want to watch" on TV then I'm gonna do it! I like the fact that I don't feel pressured that I have to do something for someone else ALL the time or getting that feeling if I just want "me time" I am letting someone down. 2012's resolution is "It's all about ME," learning to love Dawn again. For once I am doing for me not everyone else. So it's not that I am not happy with me inside actually it is the exact opposite! I am finally happy about me on the inside and it's about F'n time!!! Enuf said... that is all. Goodnight

Day 9 of "30 Things to Stop Doing to Yourself"

Money can't buy you happiness but it does bring you a more pleasant form of misery. ~ Spike Milligan

#9 - Stop trying to buy happiness. – Many of the things we desire are expensive.  But the truth is, the things that really satisfy us are totally free – love, laughter and working on our passions. I bet the person who says "money can't buy happiness" is RICH!!! LOL ok I will admit life was much easier when I didn't have to deal with the 3 day notice to pay or quit on my rent every month or shopping with food stamps. But one thing I have learned when I am stressing about money is I truly appreciate the things I do have so much more. My kids, my friends, my family, my health, my job... My life in general. Ok so money can't buy happiness, but it sure would be nice not to have to worry about it and just spend it for once :) I bet rich people are miserable. Haha maybe one day I will be able to join them in their misery! LMAO... that is all

Like I said...

Day 8 of "30 Things to Stop Doing to Yourself"

It took me a long time not to judge myself through someone else's eyes.  ~ Sally Field

#8 Stop berating yourself for old mistakes. – We may love the wrong person and cry about the wrong things, but no matter how things go wrong, one thing is for sure, mistakes help us find the person and things that are right for us.  We all make mistakes, have struggles, and even regret things in our past.  But you are not your mistakes, you are not your struggles, and you are here NOW with the power to shape your day and your future.  Every single thing that has ever happened in your life is preparing you for a moment that is yet to come. My favorite life slogan seems to make perfect sense when you read and follow #8, "Everything happens for a reason!" I've said it a million times and try to live by it, looking for that so called "silver lining" in everything that comes my way.  LOL ok I will admit I am often confused as to the why's, the where's and the how's, it seems to happen all to often to me. They say it's suppose to make you stronger. Yeah ok I guess if you say so, ha-ha. I should be as strong as a horse by now! Move on is what I have to keep telling myself... I can't let myself look to the past with regrets or remorse. I don't really look at anything as a mistake, just another learning experience. Another way to grow and embrace that I am fortunate to have had people touch my life in different and special ways. I received one of my two greatest gifts in life from my so called "mistake/regret" as his dad would say, my baby my loving son and for that I will be forever grateful!!! I was reading a note from one of my previous FB posts that I wanted to share tonight because I feel it seems to be the last piece to tonight's puzzle...

From a special friend!!! Thanks ~ XOXOXOXO

“After a while you learn the subtle difference
between holding a hand and chaining a soul.
And you learn that love doesn’t mean leaning
and company isn’t security.
(Kisses aren’t contracts and presents aren’t promises.)

After awhile you begin to accept your defeats
with your head up and your eyes open,
with the grace of a woman, not the grief of a child.
And you learn to build your roads on today
because tomorrow’s ground is too uncertain
and the inevitable has a way of crumbling in mid-flight.

After a while you learn that even sunshine burns
if you stand too long in one place.

So, you plant your own garden and decorate your own soul
instead of waiting for someone else to bring you flowers.
And you learn you really can endure,
that you really do have worth.
You learn that with every good-bye comes the dawn.”

xoxo.
S

Day 6 & 7 of "30 Things to Stop Doing to Yourself"

Because every breath I take proves that I can live without you!

I was a little under the weather yesterday so I didn't  make an entry. Tonight I am doing day 6 and 7 together and reading them both they kind of go hand and hand.#6 Stop trying to hold onto the past. – You can’t start the next chapter of your life if you keep re-reading your last one.#7  Stop being scared to make a mistake. – Doing something and getting it wrong is at least ten times more productive than doing nothing.  Every success has a trail of failures behind it, and every failure is leading towards success.  You end up regretting the things you did NOT do far more than the things you did. Both of these go along with one of my favorite quotes by Helen Keller ~ “When one door of happiness closes, another opens; but often we look so long at the closed door that we do not see the one which has been opened for us.”  I've been holding on to the past and not letting go... Staring endlessly at the closed door. There may have been a door or two that were opened but I was so focused on the closed door that I never realized the other ones were there or open. So Ive turned around and now I will start looking for the open doors... stop living in the past. Or as the author put it re-reading the last chapter. It's time to turn the page and start a new chapter of life. Is it I am afraid to make mistakes or is it I am afraid of the rejection!? Aren't they really one in the same. This kind of reminds me of something I always preach to my children,  "You can't always win. If you loose the game. It's not because you are not good enough. It just means you need to learn from the mistakes you made and next time go out there and kick butt." Ha! I guess I should start listening to myself!!! I'm not in a hurry to start the new chapter with another person. Right now I am perfectly content with the NEW chapter being all about me, my kids, my grandkids, my family and my friends. I may stumble a few times... even fall down. But I am a quick learner and am pretty good about learning from my mistakes. This time I won't make my life all about them... This chapter will be all about WE not just he, we as in teamwork! See I have already learned from one mistake :) Enuf said... Nitey-Nite!

Day 5 of "30 Things to Stop Doing to Yourself"

You were born an original. 

Don’t become a copy.

#5 Stop trying to be someone you’re not. – One of the greatest challenges in life is being yourself in a world that’s trying to make you like everyone else.  Someone will always be prettier, someone will always be smarter, someone will always be younger, but they will never be you.  Don’t change so people will like you.  Be yourself and the right people will love the real you. Haha every night when I read each one of these I have to laugh. I feel like the author was writing specifically about me! I am the worst when it comes to this. Like I said last night I always do whatever someone else wants. Well with this I take the cake. I like his favorite type of music... whatever it is today. I like his favorite movie... And tomorrow I will like the new one too. Yes dear that sounds great! Sure let's go do that! Oh I love that too! Pathetic that is all I can say is I was absolutely pathetic. Don't get me wrong I am not saying we never truly liked the same things. Of course we did or we would not have made it fifteen years. But I do have to admit I was never just me. I was always trying to be what I thought he would like more or would make him love me more. Maybe that was our downfall??? Maybe that is what made it last fifteen years??? Number five reminds me of one night we went out for my birthday last year. It was just us. We went somewhere I wanted to go! We ordered something I wanted to eat! We played pool and danced because I wanted to! We laughed, we kissed, we made passionate love, we had FUN!!! And you know what he said to me!? I can hear it now, "Why haven't you ever been like this before, I love this person, I love the way you are acting, I love you! I am sorry baby I ever hurt you!" That should have been my first clue!!! Instead I stood there in his arms crying as he held me close. Be ME what a wild idea... Guess I really need to work on that. This may be the most difficult task I have ever tackled in my life! Here we go...

Always be a first-rate version of yourself, instead of a second-rate version of somebody else.

Day 4 of "30 Things to Stop Doing to Yourself"

#4 Stop putting your own needs on the back burner. – The most painful thing is losing yourself in the process of loving someone too much, and forgetting that you are special too.  Yes, help others; but help yourself too.  If there was ever a moment to follow your passion and do something that matters to you, that moment is now. WOW... Really!? Number four so far is the most difficult for me. Not only in my most recent relationship, but in everything I do! My dreams, my passions, my wants, my needs have always been placed on the back burner for whomever and whatever. Everyone's wants and needs always come before me/mine. I do it in relationships, with my children, my friends and family. ALL the time, it's always about everyone else not about me. It's my nature I love to make people happy. To spoil them, and when possible go over the top. Haha I call it OCD... other people call it stupid ;) Maybe the solution is finding a happy medium. A middle of the road so to say. This is going to be tough but I'm gonna have to try... Remember this year it's all about ME :)

 "If I put you first and you put me first, no one will ever be second." ~ Lisa Meyer 

Day 3 of "30 Things to Stop Doing to Yourself"

#3 Stop lying to yourself. – You can lie to anyone else in the world, but you can’t lie to yourself.  Our lives improve only when we take chances, and the first and most difficult chance we can take is to be honest with ourselves.  

This one totally reverts back to number one. I just needed to face reality that it was time to move on and let go. He's not coming back. STOP kidding yourself it's over!!!! Now the question is am I really ready to move on? The constant rejection when it comes to a relationship hinders your spirit and makes you feel like less of a desirable person. Maybe you don't deserve to be happy or in a relationship? Food for thought!? NO! I do think I am worth it and deserve it. But maybe the bigger problem is people need to see first that I love ME and that will open the flood gates for someone else to love me too... hmmm what a concept. That is all!

You are Beautiful

24 Things to Always Remember. . .

And One Thing to Never Forget

Your presence is a present to the world.
You're unique and one of a kind.
Your life can be what you want it to be.
Take the days just one at a time.

Count your blessings, not your troubles.
You'll make it through whatever comes along.
Within you are so many answers.
Understand, have courage, be strong.

Don't put limits on yourself.
So many dreams are waiting to be realized.
Decisions are too important to leave to chance.
Reach for your peak, your goal, and your prize.

Nothing wastes more energy than worrying.
The longer one carries a problem, the heavier it gets.
Don't take things too seriously.
Live a life of serenity, not a life of regrets.

Remember that a little love goes a long way.
Remember that a lot . . . goes forever.
Remember that friendship is a wise investment.
Life's treasures are people . . . together.

Realize that it's never too late.
Do ordinary things in an extraordinary way.
Have health and hope and happiness.
Take the time to wish upon a star.

And don't ever forget . . .
For even a day . . .
How very special you are.....

~Douglas Pagels~

Day 2 of "30 Things to Stop Doing to Yourself"

"To the question of your life, you are the only answer.  To the problems of your life, you are the only solution." ~Jo Coudert, Advice From A Failure

# 2 Stop running from your problems. – "Face them head on.  No, it won’t be easy.  There is no person in the world capable of flawlessly handling every punch thrown at them.  We aren’t supposed to be able to instantly solve problems.  That’s not how we’re made.  In fact, we’re made to get upset, sad, hurt, stumble and fall.  Because that’s the whole purpose of living – to face problems, learn, adapt, and solve them over the course of time.  This is what ultimately molds us into the person we become." Well this one is a little tough. I don't really run from my problems. Hahaha don't have a choice to run because most of my problems or struggles stem from money. And damn those creditors they find you, no matter where you go... or worse just shut your shit off! I do get sad, upset and hurt over the money issues. Going from a three income family to a one income family with the same amount of bills really SUCKS! I know getting upset over money or bills is stupid but I hate that I can't do the things with my son that we use to do since we can't afford it. He was very spoiled with lots of traveling to really cool places and now we can barely afford the movies or going out to dinner once a month. I keep telling myself it will get better and all I can do is hope and pray they do, for his sake. It hurts me because he sees his dad continuing to do all the things we did as a family without thinking twice about it. Yet we sit here and have to wait for the ebt card to be reloaded every month just to go shop. I love my son to death that he is always here for me and always reminds me, "It's ok mom I understand we are gonna be ok. At least we have each other." God I love that kid!!! His older brother is a huge supporter and together we make it all work :) Until tomorrow... Nitey-Nite

Day 1 of "30 Things to Stop Doing to Yourself"

When you stop chasing the wrong things you give the right things a chance to catch you.
My New Years resolution was to learn to start loving me again...and realize I AM worth loving! Thanks Laura for the inspiration and courage to finally take a real hard look at me. It is hard to admit, but I have been my "own worse enemy." Three years is a long time to wait...and wait...and then wait some more. I am done waiting, I'm ready to move on because I am worth it and I do DESERVE better. As Maria Robinson once said, “Nobody can go back and start a new beginning, but anyone can start today and make a new ending.”  Nothing could be closer to the truth.  But before you can begin this process of transformation you have to stop doing the things that have been holding you back. So I have decided to read and make the necessary changes daily "30 Things to Stop Doing to Yourself." I figured maybe writing my own personal insight on each one daily, seeing it in black and white carved in cyberspace will help me in my journey of learning to LOVE ME again.

#1 Stop spending time with the wrong people. – Life is too short to spend time with people who suck the happiness out of you.  If someone wants you in their life, they’ll make room for you.  You shouldn’t have to fight for a spot.  Never, ever insist yourself to someone who continuously overlooks your worth.  And remember, it’s not the people that stand by your side when you’re at your best, but the ones who stand beside you when you’re at your worst that are your true friends.

I thought for the past fifteen years he was my best friend, my lover, my soul mate. The one I would spend the rest of my life with. I've sat waiting, hoping for the past three years he would find out "the grass wasn't greener." I found myself telling him "Just go get it out of your system honey. I will be here when you come back." Praying one day we would go back to being our happy little family with the white picket fence. I know in my heart of hearts who my true friends are; the ones I can count on through thick and thin, day or night who will be there for me. LOL and he isn't nor was he ever one of them. All of my "true friends" have been trying to get me to wake up and smell the coffee the entire time. Over and over again telling me I deserve better. OK so I may be a little stubborn or slow at times. Not anymore I am going to start listening and do what is best for me... LET GO! If I need a sex toy I will just go to the Love Boutique... Enuf said ~ Goodnight

Here is a link to the article in full http://www.marcandangel.com/2011/12/11/30-things-to-stop-doing-to-yourself/