#30 of 30 Things to Stop Doing to Yourself

In case you have noticed I jumped from #26 to #30 of 30 Things to Stop Doing to Yourself. Today I received an FB message from a friend, "Having a bad day need inspiration, blog, be grateful... something!"  I decided to grant their wish and blog but I think #30 fits the reason for the blog request the best so I will go back and do #27, #28 and #29 later. Thanks for understanding :)

Here is the conversation today which will bring light as to why I jumped ahead...  When I asked my friend, "What's wrong?" She responded, "I found out a friend was prego today." I responded, "Well that's cool... Why is that a bad day?" Her response, "I'm happy for them, I'm jealous I want to be married and have a baby." I responded, "Don't be jealous it will happen one day." Her response, "Thank you.  That's what I always hear and doubt that it will."  So here goes my dear friend for your request for inspiration. Remember you asked for it and I love you! You need to turn that frown upside down and SMILE!

We all need to be grateful for what we do have and stop worrying about "Keeping up with the Joneses." There is always going to be someone who has more than we do. Or something we wished we had. Envy and jealousy are evil, they hurt us, they are not our friends.  I would be lying if I didn't say I would like to be married, if I find the right man. Lately however I have come to realize it's okay if I stand alone. I do not need a man in my life to complete myself. I am blessed with all I have: My children, my health, my job, my car, my home, my sanity (okay, some of you may disagree with that), my friends and the little bit of money I do have. In short I am grateful for my life.

Let's take a quick look at reality... Along with #30 of 30 Things to Stop Doing to Yourself . "Stop being ungrateful. – No matter how good or bad you have it, wake up each day thankful for your life.  Someone somewhere else is desperately fighting for theirs.  Instead of thinking about what you’re missing, try thinking about what you have that everyone else is missing."  Now close your eyes and imagine for a moment if you had to live in the shoes of someone else who would be envious or jealous of you... 

• The couple that has tried for years to have a child
• The person sitting next to the bedside of their loved one who is taking their last breath
• The parents that just had the doctor tell them, "I am so sorry we did all we could"
• The person whose boss called them in their office today, "Sorry we have to let you go"
• The person whose address is a shopping cart or cardboard box
• The person who has to walk everywhere, not because they choose to
• The person whose doctor just delivered the news, "I would start making plans, it won't be long"
• The person who digs through the dumpster for their next meal

Yes my dear there are happily married couples. I'm not sure on the national statistics but I would be willing to bet there are more that are unhappily married.  Like I said, "Don't be jealous it will happen one day." You have to have faith. Trust me, everything happens for a reason. Maybe your reason is your child needs you more now than you need a husband. Enjoy the little bit of time you have left, it's going to be over before you know it!  Maybe your time is coming... Maybe not?  God has his plan for all of us...  Psalm 37:4-8 ~ Enjoy serving the Lord, and he will give you what you want. Depend on the Lord; trust him, and he will take care of you. Then your goodness will shine like the sun, and your fairness like the noonday sun. Wait and trust the Lord. Don't be upset when others get rich or when someone else's plans succeed. Don't get angry. Don't be upset; it only leads to trouble. Your time will come... Be patient!

My friend, here's a great exercise that can help you be grateful for what you do have. Make a list of everything you have. Now look at that list. That's correct, it is a list and your wants are to be married and have a baby. I am willing to bet your list has more than two items. If you say no, you are only lying to yourself because I know otherwise :)  While we are on the path of exercise's here is another suggestion I found on Pinterest: Take a jar and throughout the year, write down memories on a small piece of paper that make you smile. Fold the paper and drop it in the jar. On New Year's Eve, open it up and reread all of the good stuff that made the year wonderful! I love this idea, gotta do it myself!

I hope this gave you the inspiration you needed. Thanks... Because it helped me!!! I love you and I know you are STRONG enough! That is all

90 Days of Gratitude - Days 13 and 14

Day 13 - September 10, 2012 - I am grateful for another day that I woke up and was able to... Go to work, share time with family, friends and co-workers, take a walk, watch tv, hear children's laughter and the countless number of everyday events/activities we take for GRANTED each and every day.

Day 14 - September 11, 2012 - Today especially as we remember the 11th anniversary of the attack on our country I am especially grateful to all the men and women who give so unselfishly of themselves to protect us and our families on a daily basis as firefighters and police officers.

As a person who knows how it feels to sit home and watch/listen to the news when there is something happening in our city/state/country praying your phone doesn't ring or there isn't a knock at the door. My heart and prayers go out to all the families who lost their loved one on that horrible day! I am pretty sure today is not any easier for them, than it was 11 years ago :'( 

Until you go through it yourself you will never know that fear and terror you feel as you sit there and just WAIT!!! I kind of know how they must have felt on that day. On October 31, 2003 when they announced on the news a fire crew was overtaken by the flames in the Cedar Fire and one firefighter was confirmed dead, I burst into tears and prayed please don't let the phone ring or someone knock on the door. You just feel empty, helpless and hopeless. Yes I was fortunate and never ended up getting that call or knock on the door.

There are hundreds of families yearly that are not as fortunate as I was. According to national statistics there is one police officer killed in the line of duty every 53 hours which is an annual average of a 164 a year.  Firefighters that die a year in a fire average 100. Combine both of those averages and that is approximately five deaths a week. THANK YOU again to all the men and women who go out daily to protect us all!!!  I'm GRATEFUL for each and every one of you!

ALWAYS REMEMBER ~ FOREVER GRATEFUL

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90 Days of Gratitude - The Gratitude Project 2012

“Be thankful for what you have; you'll end up having more. If you concentrate on what you don't have, you will never, ever have enough.”-Oprah

My First 12 Days of Gratitude

Day 1 – August 29, 2012 – I am thankful for finally finding out why Austin’s back hurts. Not happy it is a fractured L5 vertebrae but at least now we know how to get it fixed :) “There are people in my life who give me comfort. When the going gets tough, as it invariably does, I can count on them for a shoulder to cry on - they will lift me up when I fall, they will hold me in their arms as I cry and tell me, "Everything’s going to be okay." I am so thankful for those people. They are priceless” -Dawsons Creek”

Day 2 – August 30, 2012 – I am grateful for the feedback I receive from teachers and managers to help me better myself. “Be thankful for problems. If they were less difficult, someone with less ability might have your job. “-James A. Lovell

Day 3 – August 31, 2012 – I am grateful for time spent with great friends old and new!  "Friends are the most important ingredient in the recipe of life."-Unknown

Day 4 – September 1, 2012 – I am grateful for my bff’s birthday party: the fun, the sun, the laughter and the love! “I am thankful for laughter, except when milk comes out of my nose.”-Woody Allen

Day 5 – September 2, 2012 – I am thankful for living in a wonderful place where I can experience new restaurants and great food with amazing friends for brunch. “One cannot think well, love well, sleep well, if one has not dined well.”-Virginia Woolf

Day 6 – September 3, 2012 – I am thankful for a wonderful job that allows me to be thankful for those Monday mornings when you don’t have to set your alarm…  “Happy Labor Day! Ah, the mark of the summer winding down: maybe the last barbecue, barefoot beach walk or outdoor stargaze of the year. However you're spending your Labor Day weekend; take a moment to think about why we celebrate it in the first place. Acknowledge the power of labor, for, as Sophocles said, "Without labor, nothing prospers."But, at the same time, appreciate your day without labor. Take note from Ovid: "Take rest; a field that has rested gives a bountiful crop."-Huffpost

Day 7 – September 4, 2012 – I am thankful for the random text messages that show he’s thinking of you! “In everyone's life, at some time, our inner fire goes out. It is then burst into flame by an encounter with another human being. We should all be thankful for those people who rekindle the inner spirit.”-Albert Schweitzer 

Day 8 – September 5, 2012 – I am thankful for the quiet times at home with my family. “Rejoice with your family in the beautiful land of life!”-Albert Einstein

Day 9 – September 6, 2012 – I am thankful for the advances in medicine that helped my son become radioactive so the doctor could treat him properly. “Medicine heals doubts as well as diseases.”-Karl Marx

Day 10 – September 7, 2012 – I am thankful for “Movie Time at The Big Comfy Couch” and yum, yum, yummy Double Fudge Brownie ice cream with family and friends! "We can only be said to be alive in those moments when our hearts are conscious of our treasures." - Thornton Wilder

Day 11 – September 8, 2012 – I am thankful for the caring and lovely person in my life that makes all of us a wonderful scrumptious dinner even after I tell her there will be an extra four people here :)  "Let us be grateful to people who make us happy; they are the charming gardeners who make our souls blossom." - Marcel Proust

Day 12 – September 9, 2012 – I am thankful for the ability to go back to school after 30 years to finish a lifelong dream… And for the A- in my first class. “We often take for granted the things that most deserve our gratitude.”-Cynthia Ozick

#26 of "30 Things to Stop Doing to Yourself"

26.  Stop blaming others for your troubles. – The extent to which you can achieve your dreams depends on the extent to which you take responsibility for your life.  When you blame others for what you’re going through, you deny responsibility – you give others power over that part of your life. AMEN!!! Easier said than done for some people...

I try my best not to dwell or worry about what other people have done to me and just look at it as lessons learned. "Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me." Dwelling on what someone should be doing for you or may have done to you is not going to make life any better for you. It is not affecting the other person in any way! But it will do major damage to you and your emotional stability... Eating you up from the inside out!

Grudges or the "shoulda, coulda, woulda's" do not benefit you. Let it go and take ownership of your own actions, destiny and dreams. You are the only person that is responsible for your future and quality of life. A lot of us can bring everything back around to money and yes if we had more money things could be easier. However you don't have it and you are not going to get it by dwelling over it or complaining about it. Make every penny count, make it more meaningful to yourself: Take responsibility for your own life, go out and make the difference. Go back to school, look for a different job or do something that makes you happy. Just STOP blaming someone else for what you do or don't have!

If someone owes you something or did you wrong. Don't worry about it, they will get there's in the end. It is not our place to pass judgement, "Let all bitterness and wrath and anger and clamor and slander be put away from you, along with all malice. Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ forgave you." Ephesians 4:31-32

People who do wrong by you will pay for their own trespasses in the long run. Like they say Karma's a B***H, and I would much rather deal with the Karma then with God, his forgiveness is the one you should worry about.  "For if you forgive others their trespasses, your heavenly Father will also forgive you, but if you do not forgive others their trespasses, neither will your Father forgive your trespasses." Matthew 6:14-15

You are beautiful, worthy and loved. If you can't let go of the grudges and take responsibility for yourself all you are doing is hurting yourself. It all begins on the inside... Put aside the anger, learn how to take back the power you have given them... Move forward and make a new path to your brighter future. In the long run you will feel better, be happier and appreciate life more! Why??? Because you did it all by yourself!!!

#25 of "30 Things to Stop Doing to Yourself"

25.  Stop acting like everything is fine if it isn’t. – It’s okay to fall apart for a little while.  You don’t always have to pretend to be strong, and there is no need to constantly prove that everything is going well.  You shouldn’t be concerned with what other people are thinking either – cry if you need to – it’s healthy to shed your tears.  The sooner you do, the sooner you will be able to smile again. 

I have put on that smile for so many years now sometimes it's hard to tell when the smile is real. Afraid to cry because I was worried if I started I may never stop. I have fought a long battle with myself. Every once in a while you just need to find a quiet place to sit down and cry. I get to that breaking point on occasion and I am thankful for the one's in my life that care so much that when I do walk away and look for my quiet place they are constantly calling or texting me, "Where did you go.. When are you going to be home?" But honestly sometimes I just need to break down and cry. It makes me feel better after. I have several friends, including my children that are the "I don't cry" people. It does not do you any good to hold it all in. It just builds up and on occasion the outcome can be irreversible. I am a crier and I feel better when I do let it all out, and it does not make me a weak person because I do. I worry about the people that are afraid to cry :'( it only makes you angry which can further complicate life, causing remorse and/or regret.

There are so many things I am grateful for and proud of myself for accomplishing or taking the steps towards the task. But life isn't always fine! Sure there are daily struggles; be it financial, emotional, psychological or physical. I have bad days. I get in arguments. I want so much more for myself and my kids. I keep reminding myself no one is perfect and no one has the perfect life. Yes one of the most common struggles in my daily life revolves around finances and I hope that my new challenge in life going to school to finish my degrees will correct or help that problem.

I was watching a movie last night and one of the lines in that movie stuck with me; “Sometimes the questions are complicated and the answers are simple.” This is a quote from one of my newest favorite philosophers Theodor Seuss Geise, better known as Dr Seuss. It is true the question is sometimes complicated, but who ever said life is easy is a fool!!!  If you are honest with yourself the answer is usually simple. It may not be the answer you wanted but follow your heart and do what is going to make you a better person in the grand scheme of things. "Stop acting like everything is fine if it isn’t. – It’s okay to fall apart for a little while."  If you allow yourself to let go, shed a few tears it will make you feel like the world has been lifted off your shoulders and you can move on to the next thing in life. It's like the main theme of my blog, "Life isn't about finding yourself. It's about creating yourself." If you admit everything is not fine you can take the steps necessary to make it fine. Let go... Accept that you are not a failure! When you admit to defeat it just means you are human. There is always room for improvement in every one of us. Be an artist and work on creating yourself... Then you can smile again!!!

 

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#24 of "30 Things to Stop Doing to Yourself"

24. Stop following the path of least resistance. – Life is not easy, especially when you plan on achieving something worthwhile.  Don’t take the easy way out.  Do something extraordinary. In January after being inspired by a friends blog (Thanks Laura), I realized I needed to start taking care of me. My goal on January 1st was to begin blogging and post/respond daily about the "30 Things to Stop Doing to Yourself" and how it related to my life. OK so since today is September 2nd I am a little slower than I had intended but I didn't take into consideration the time it would take to actually "stop" doing all the things I was doing to myself that was unhealthy for me emotionally.

Well I spent the first six months of 2012 deciding I was finished letting someone destroy my self esteem while he continued to break my heart. Then I spent two months rolling the online dating game roulette wheel, boy was that fun hahaha, I've met some great friends and only time will tell if it will be more than that. In late July I decided to quit spinning the dating roulette wheel and took another step forward to making me better and went back to school.

Since going back to school I have taken a step back and looked at the big picture. I have decided I need to focus on me, work, school and home. I will maintain the friendships I have made but I am not ready for a full blown relationship. It's Dawn time and if I get back into a relationship I won't finish school in the next five years like I want to with my Bachelors and Masters if I do. I will be worried I am not focusing enough on "him" and would either quit school or not worry about working harder to make sure I keep the 4.0 GPA.

I am not going to take the easy way out, I am committed to doing this! I am not a spring chicken anymore and I do not have the time to put it off any longer. I will finish both of my degree programs which will benefit me at work and help make the path to career development so much smoother. My degrees will be beneficial at my current job, but if something happens they could be used in the health care, social services, human service, governmental agencies, psychology, education fields or as a social scientist. 

Going back to school wasn't enough I got tired of seeing what was looking back at me in the mirror. Diet and exercise is now a new priority. I have a one year goal and by next summer honestly hope to be at a healthy weight and enjoy buying clothes and looking in the mirror again.

Learning to love Dawn was the task at hand. It's not easy, life is never easy. If you want something you have to work at achieving your goals. Hard work and dedication will pay off it may take a few years but the benefits will pay off in the end!

"Leaders are made, they are not born. They are made by hard effort, which is the price which all of us must pay to achieve any goal that is worthwhile. " Vince Lombardi