#29 of 30 Things to Stop Doing to Yourself

29. Stop focusing on what you don’t want to happen. – Focus on what you do want to happen.  Positive thinking is at the forefront of every great success story.  If you awake every morning with the thought that something wonderful will happen in your life today, and you pay close attention, you’ll often find that you’re right. Everyday I wake up it is a wonderful day when I get to see the faces of my children.  My heart breaks for the families in Connecticut that will never get to see their children's faces again except in a picture. Sometimes in life we forget what is most wonderful and important to us. We get so focused on the materialistic things in life we forget to be thankful for everything we take for granted.

How many times have you done the "woes me" because you think there is something missing in your life... owning your own home, lots of money, a better job, a partner, a new car, etc... the list is endless. I know I am guilty of the "woes me" and I need to take a step back and look at what is most important to me and pay closer attention to the things I do have...

I have the ability to see my children's smiling faces.

I have the ability to hold them when they are broken and wipe away their tears.

I have the ability to laugh at their jokes.

I have the ability to share in their joys.

I have the ability to grieve with them in their sorrows.

I have the ability to love them with every ounce of my being.

I have the ability to be there when they need me.

What I don't have is the ability to give them everything I think they want: To buy them materialistic things; a house or a car, fancy vacations, sometimes I can't even afford to buy them food for the table, but we get by and make it work. And you know what?  They understand and love me anyway! And when my 13 year old son makes a comment that he wishes someone would take back all the gifts they bought him for Christmas and all he really wants is for them to realize he just wants them to spend time with him it breaks my heart. The tragedy that struck on Friday makes me realize how precious life and time really is, we never know when it will end.

It's not the material things in life that make us happy it is the love, support and strength we pull from our children, family and friends that make us rich not the money or the things you have. Never let a day go by that you don't let the wonderful things in life "your children,  family and friends" know how much you love and appreciate them. Thank you to each and everyone of you for being a part of my life and making my life wonderful each and everyday... I Love You!!!

Accept what cannot be changed ~ Reach out to God… Then face the world again, firm and courageous. Then all your troubles will fade from your memory, like floods that are past and remembered no more. Others have no happiness at all; they live and die with bitter hearts. ~ Job 11:13, 15-16; 21:25

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#28 of 30 Things to Stop Doing to Yourself

Stop worrying so much. – Worry will not strip tomorrow of its burdens, it will strip today of its joy.  One way to check if something is worth mulling over is to ask yourself this question: “Will this matter in one year’s time?  Three years?  Five years?”  If not, then it’s not worth worrying about.  Exactly... It is not worth it!

Not worrying is a hard task, believe me I know. I use to be the worst offender. Wasting time on all the woulda, shoulda, coulda's. It was not an easy task to give up on all the worrying but I had to do it! It does not benefit anyone. It only hurts you and makes you sick, at times physically. Stress, sleepless nights, headaches, etc. The glass is half full, stop looking at it as half empty... Think POSITIVE!!!

We sometimes have no control what the future may bring us. Wasting precious energy on worrying rather than what you can do to make the situation better is just that wasted precious time. Something you can NEVER get back. Make better use of the time thinking of ways to make it better. If you can't change what ever is making you worry then look for the solution to correct the problem and move on.... More loving put GET OVER IT!!!

Your time is too precious to lose over trivial things, no use crying over spilled milk. Wipe it up and move on to the next problem. Life is an obstacle course and you need to tackle it with a positive attitude. If you fall down, pick yourself back up, brush yourself off and chalk it up to lesson learned. Worry will not strip tomorrow of its burdens, it will strip today of its joy... Better to Live well, Laugh often and Love much!

Five Simple Rules for Happiness
Free your heart from hatred
Free you mind from worries
Live simply
Give more

Expect LESS

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#27 of "30 Things to Stop Doing to Yourself"

It's been a while since I've blogged; life happens we get busy and can't find or make the time. I needed to make the time tonight for a special friend who follows my blog and has been asking me to send a little inspiration her way so here goes...

27. Stop trying to be everything to everyone. – Doing so is impossible, and trying will only burn you out.  But making one person smile CAN change the world.  Maybe not the whole world, but their world.  So narrow your focus.  Change is good, making some one smile is good; especially if  it is yourself :)

STOP trying to be or do what everyone else wants you to be/do. Be yourself and do what you know in the long run will be best for YOU! You don't need to change the world... But sometimes you need to change your world. Is it scary... Heck ya! Can you fail? Never! You may stumble; might even fall, but then you need to get right back up, brush yourself off and move forward. We can't live in the world of would've, could've, should've... We need to live in the now. Taking chances is a part of life. Is the decision you make the right one? Yes, because you are making yourself a better person taking risks and exploring your opportunities; it's the way we grow and learn. Find a quiet place, listen to your dreams, and discover what is possible.

Discovery is an adventure, the world is yours... Take it by storm. Challenge those who expect you to be  everything for everyone. Focus on one thing... YOU, show them you are worthy of the time and devotion you put in to yourself, you deserve to be recognized for your accomplishments. You have conquered one of the most difficult challenges anyone can ever face in a lifetime over the past fourteen years... You have an amazing, brilliant, sometimes pain in the butt ;-) young adult that you should be very proud of, so pat yourself on the back. 

Don't worry about what other people think of you. Their opinion does not matter. The only opinion that matters is yours. Are you happy with yourself? If the answer is yes, then life is good. If the answer is no, then take a step back, take a  long hard honest look at yourself and discover within yourself what you need to change to make you the person you want to be. Then go for it! Do not hesitate, you are the only one that has to live with yourself.

Happiness is what we make it, not what others make it. Sure it's nice when people help out or give us nice things. But that's all it is; is things, it's not happiness. Happiness is finding self worth and no one can help you do that but you! In order for someone else to see your worth they must see that you believe it... The same goes for love. You have to love yourself before someone else can love you. You are a gentle, caring and wonderful friend. One that I am grateful everyday for even though I may not always say it. Now all you need to do is see it too.  I am here and always will be anytime, anyplace. Thank you and I love you my friend! Always remember to, "Live, Laugh, Love." I'll leave you with one final thought...  

"If you do not conquer self, you will be conquered by self."  ~Napoleon Hill

Photo credit: Here

#30 of 30 Things to Stop Doing to Yourself

In case you have noticed I jumped from #26 to #30 of 30 Things to Stop Doing to Yourself. Today I received an FB message from a friend, "Having a bad day need inspiration, blog, be grateful... something!"  I decided to grant their wish and blog but I think #30 fits the reason for the blog request the best so I will go back and do #27, #28 and #29 later. Thanks for understanding :)

Here is the conversation today which will bring light as to why I jumped ahead...  When I asked my friend, "What's wrong?" She responded, "I found out a friend was prego today." I responded, "Well that's cool... Why is that a bad day?" Her response, "I'm happy for them, I'm jealous I want to be married and have a baby." I responded, "Don't be jealous it will happen one day." Her response, "Thank you.  That's what I always hear and doubt that it will."  So here goes my dear friend for your request for inspiration. Remember you asked for it and I love you! You need to turn that frown upside down and SMILE!

We all need to be grateful for what we do have and stop worrying about "Keeping up with the Joneses." There is always going to be someone who has more than we do. Or something we wished we had. Envy and jealousy are evil, they hurt us, they are not our friends.  I would be lying if I didn't say I would like to be married, if I find the right man. Lately however I have come to realize it's okay if I stand alone. I do not need a man in my life to complete myself. I am blessed with all I have: My children, my health, my job, my car, my home, my sanity (okay, some of you may disagree with that), my friends and the little bit of money I do have. In short I am grateful for my life.

Let's take a quick look at reality... Along with #30 of 30 Things to Stop Doing to Yourself . "Stop being ungrateful. – No matter how good or bad you have it, wake up each day thankful for your life.  Someone somewhere else is desperately fighting for theirs.  Instead of thinking about what you’re missing, try thinking about what you have that everyone else is missing."  Now close your eyes and imagine for a moment if you had to live in the shoes of someone else who would be envious or jealous of you... 

• The couple that has tried for years to have a child
• The person sitting next to the bedside of their loved one who is taking their last breath
• The parents that just had the doctor tell them, "I am so sorry we did all we could"
• The person whose boss called them in their office today, "Sorry we have to let you go"
• The person whose address is a shopping cart or cardboard box
• The person who has to walk everywhere, not because they choose to
• The person whose doctor just delivered the news, "I would start making plans, it won't be long"
• The person who digs through the dumpster for their next meal

Yes my dear there are happily married couples. I'm not sure on the national statistics but I would be willing to bet there are more that are unhappily married.  Like I said, "Don't be jealous it will happen one day." You have to have faith. Trust me, everything happens for a reason. Maybe your reason is your child needs you more now than you need a husband. Enjoy the little bit of time you have left, it's going to be over before you know it!  Maybe your time is coming... Maybe not?  God has his plan for all of us...  Psalm 37:4-8 ~ Enjoy serving the Lord, and he will give you what you want. Depend on the Lord; trust him, and he will take care of you. Then your goodness will shine like the sun, and your fairness like the noonday sun. Wait and trust the Lord. Don't be upset when others get rich or when someone else's plans succeed. Don't get angry. Don't be upset; it only leads to trouble. Your time will come... Be patient!

My friend, here's a great exercise that can help you be grateful for what you do have. Make a list of everything you have. Now look at that list. That's correct, it is a list and your wants are to be married and have a baby. I am willing to bet your list has more than two items. If you say no, you are only lying to yourself because I know otherwise :)  While we are on the path of exercise's here is another suggestion I found on Pinterest: Take a jar and throughout the year, write down memories on a small piece of paper that make you smile. Fold the paper and drop it in the jar. On New Year's Eve, open it up and reread all of the good stuff that made the year wonderful! I love this idea, gotta do it myself!

I hope this gave you the inspiration you needed. Thanks... Because it helped me!!! I love you and I know you are STRONG enough! That is all

90 Days of Gratitude - Days 13 and 14

Day 13 - September 10, 2012 - I am grateful for another day that I woke up and was able to... Go to work, share time with family, friends and co-workers, take a walk, watch tv, hear children's laughter and the countless number of everyday events/activities we take for GRANTED each and every day.

Day 14 - September 11, 2012 - Today especially as we remember the 11th anniversary of the attack on our country I am especially grateful to all the men and women who give so unselfishly of themselves to protect us and our families on a daily basis as firefighters and police officers.

As a person who knows how it feels to sit home and watch/listen to the news when there is something happening in our city/state/country praying your phone doesn't ring or there isn't a knock at the door. My heart and prayers go out to all the families who lost their loved one on that horrible day! I am pretty sure today is not any easier for them, than it was 11 years ago :'( 

Until you go through it yourself you will never know that fear and terror you feel as you sit there and just WAIT!!! I kind of know how they must have felt on that day. On October 31, 2003 when they announced on the news a fire crew was overtaken by the flames in the Cedar Fire and one firefighter was confirmed dead, I burst into tears and prayed please don't let the phone ring or someone knock on the door. You just feel empty, helpless and hopeless. Yes I was fortunate and never ended up getting that call or knock on the door.

There are hundreds of families yearly that are not as fortunate as I was. According to national statistics there is one police officer killed in the line of duty every 53 hours which is an annual average of a 164 a year.  Firefighters that die a year in a fire average 100. Combine both of those averages and that is approximately five deaths a week. THANK YOU again to all the men and women who go out daily to protect us all!!!  I'm GRATEFUL for each and every one of you!

ALWAYS REMEMBER ~ FOREVER GRATEFUL

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90 Days of Gratitude - The Gratitude Project 2012

“Be thankful for what you have; you'll end up having more. If you concentrate on what you don't have, you will never, ever have enough.”-Oprah

My First 12 Days of Gratitude

Day 1 – August 29, 2012 – I am thankful for finally finding out why Austin’s back hurts. Not happy it is a fractured L5 vertebrae but at least now we know how to get it fixed :) “There are people in my life who give me comfort. When the going gets tough, as it invariably does, I can count on them for a shoulder to cry on - they will lift me up when I fall, they will hold me in their arms as I cry and tell me, "Everything’s going to be okay." I am so thankful for those people. They are priceless” -Dawsons Creek”

Day 2 – August 30, 2012 – I am grateful for the feedback I receive from teachers and managers to help me better myself. “Be thankful for problems. If they were less difficult, someone with less ability might have your job. “-James A. Lovell

Day 3 – August 31, 2012 – I am grateful for time spent with great friends old and new!  "Friends are the most important ingredient in the recipe of life."-Unknown

Day 4 – September 1, 2012 – I am grateful for my bff’s birthday party: the fun, the sun, the laughter and the love! “I am thankful for laughter, except when milk comes out of my nose.”-Woody Allen

Day 5 – September 2, 2012 – I am thankful for living in a wonderful place where I can experience new restaurants and great food with amazing friends for brunch. “One cannot think well, love well, sleep well, if one has not dined well.”-Virginia Woolf

Day 6 – September 3, 2012 – I am thankful for a wonderful job that allows me to be thankful for those Monday mornings when you don’t have to set your alarm…  “Happy Labor Day! Ah, the mark of the summer winding down: maybe the last barbecue, barefoot beach walk or outdoor stargaze of the year. However you're spending your Labor Day weekend; take a moment to think about why we celebrate it in the first place. Acknowledge the power of labor, for, as Sophocles said, "Without labor, nothing prospers."But, at the same time, appreciate your day without labor. Take note from Ovid: "Take rest; a field that has rested gives a bountiful crop."-Huffpost

Day 7 – September 4, 2012 – I am thankful for the random text messages that show he’s thinking of you! “In everyone's life, at some time, our inner fire goes out. It is then burst into flame by an encounter with another human being. We should all be thankful for those people who rekindle the inner spirit.”-Albert Schweitzer 

Day 8 – September 5, 2012 – I am thankful for the quiet times at home with my family. “Rejoice with your family in the beautiful land of life!”-Albert Einstein

Day 9 – September 6, 2012 – I am thankful for the advances in medicine that helped my son become radioactive so the doctor could treat him properly. “Medicine heals doubts as well as diseases.”-Karl Marx

Day 10 – September 7, 2012 – I am thankful for “Movie Time at The Big Comfy Couch” and yum, yum, yummy Double Fudge Brownie ice cream with family and friends! "We can only be said to be alive in those moments when our hearts are conscious of our treasures." - Thornton Wilder

Day 11 – September 8, 2012 – I am thankful for the caring and lovely person in my life that makes all of us a wonderful scrumptious dinner even after I tell her there will be an extra four people here :)  "Let us be grateful to people who make us happy; they are the charming gardeners who make our souls blossom." - Marcel Proust

Day 12 – September 9, 2012 – I am thankful for the ability to go back to school after 30 years to finish a lifelong dream… And for the A- in my first class. “We often take for granted the things that most deserve our gratitude.”-Cynthia Ozick

#26 of "30 Things to Stop Doing to Yourself"

26.  Stop blaming others for your troubles. – The extent to which you can achieve your dreams depends on the extent to which you take responsibility for your life.  When you blame others for what you’re going through, you deny responsibility – you give others power over that part of your life. AMEN!!! Easier said than done for some people...

I try my best not to dwell or worry about what other people have done to me and just look at it as lessons learned. "Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice, shame on me." Dwelling on what someone should be doing for you or may have done to you is not going to make life any better for you. It is not affecting the other person in any way! But it will do major damage to you and your emotional stability... Eating you up from the inside out!

Grudges or the "shoulda, coulda, woulda's" do not benefit you. Let it go and take ownership of your own actions, destiny and dreams. You are the only person that is responsible for your future and quality of life. A lot of us can bring everything back around to money and yes if we had more money things could be easier. However you don't have it and you are not going to get it by dwelling over it or complaining about it. Make every penny count, make it more meaningful to yourself: Take responsibility for your own life, go out and make the difference. Go back to school, look for a different job or do something that makes you happy. Just STOP blaming someone else for what you do or don't have!

If someone owes you something or did you wrong. Don't worry about it, they will get there's in the end. It is not our place to pass judgement, "Let all bitterness and wrath and anger and clamor and slander be put away from you, along with all malice. Be kind to one another, tenderhearted, forgiving one another, as God in Christ forgave you." Ephesians 4:31-32

People who do wrong by you will pay for their own trespasses in the long run. Like they say Karma's a B***H, and I would much rather deal with the Karma then with God, his forgiveness is the one you should worry about.  "For if you forgive others their trespasses, your heavenly Father will also forgive you, but if you do not forgive others their trespasses, neither will your Father forgive your trespasses." Matthew 6:14-15

You are beautiful, worthy and loved. If you can't let go of the grudges and take responsibility for yourself all you are doing is hurting yourself. It all begins on the inside... Put aside the anger, learn how to take back the power you have given them... Move forward and make a new path to your brighter future. In the long run you will feel better, be happier and appreciate life more! Why??? Because you did it all by yourself!!!

#25 of "30 Things to Stop Doing to Yourself"

25.  Stop acting like everything is fine if it isn’t. – It’s okay to fall apart for a little while.  You don’t always have to pretend to be strong, and there is no need to constantly prove that everything is going well.  You shouldn’t be concerned with what other people are thinking either – cry if you need to – it’s healthy to shed your tears.  The sooner you do, the sooner you will be able to smile again. 

I have put on that smile for so many years now sometimes it's hard to tell when the smile is real. Afraid to cry because I was worried if I started I may never stop. I have fought a long battle with myself. Every once in a while you just need to find a quiet place to sit down and cry. I get to that breaking point on occasion and I am thankful for the one's in my life that care so much that when I do walk away and look for my quiet place they are constantly calling or texting me, "Where did you go.. When are you going to be home?" But honestly sometimes I just need to break down and cry. It makes me feel better after. I have several friends, including my children that are the "I don't cry" people. It does not do you any good to hold it all in. It just builds up and on occasion the outcome can be irreversible. I am a crier and I feel better when I do let it all out, and it does not make me a weak person because I do. I worry about the people that are afraid to cry :'( it only makes you angry which can further complicate life, causing remorse and/or regret.

There are so many things I am grateful for and proud of myself for accomplishing or taking the steps towards the task. But life isn't always fine! Sure there are daily struggles; be it financial, emotional, psychological or physical. I have bad days. I get in arguments. I want so much more for myself and my kids. I keep reminding myself no one is perfect and no one has the perfect life. Yes one of the most common struggles in my daily life revolves around finances and I hope that my new challenge in life going to school to finish my degrees will correct or help that problem.

I was watching a movie last night and one of the lines in that movie stuck with me; “Sometimes the questions are complicated and the answers are simple.” This is a quote from one of my newest favorite philosophers Theodor Seuss Geise, better known as Dr Seuss. It is true the question is sometimes complicated, but who ever said life is easy is a fool!!!  If you are honest with yourself the answer is usually simple. It may not be the answer you wanted but follow your heart and do what is going to make you a better person in the grand scheme of things. "Stop acting like everything is fine if it isn’t. – It’s okay to fall apart for a little while."  If you allow yourself to let go, shed a few tears it will make you feel like the world has been lifted off your shoulders and you can move on to the next thing in life. It's like the main theme of my blog, "Life isn't about finding yourself. It's about creating yourself." If you admit everything is not fine you can take the steps necessary to make it fine. Let go... Accept that you are not a failure! When you admit to defeat it just means you are human. There is always room for improvement in every one of us. Be an artist and work on creating yourself... Then you can smile again!!!

 

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#24 of "30 Things to Stop Doing to Yourself"

24. Stop following the path of least resistance. – Life is not easy, especially when you plan on achieving something worthwhile.  Don’t take the easy way out.  Do something extraordinary. In January after being inspired by a friends blog (Thanks Laura), I realized I needed to start taking care of me. My goal on January 1st was to begin blogging and post/respond daily about the "30 Things to Stop Doing to Yourself" and how it related to my life. OK so since today is September 2nd I am a little slower than I had intended but I didn't take into consideration the time it would take to actually "stop" doing all the things I was doing to myself that was unhealthy for me emotionally.

Well I spent the first six months of 2012 deciding I was finished letting someone destroy my self esteem while he continued to break my heart. Then I spent two months rolling the online dating game roulette wheel, boy was that fun hahaha, I've met some great friends and only time will tell if it will be more than that. In late July I decided to quit spinning the dating roulette wheel and took another step forward to making me better and went back to school.

Since going back to school I have taken a step back and looked at the big picture. I have decided I need to focus on me, work, school and home. I will maintain the friendships I have made but I am not ready for a full blown relationship. It's Dawn time and if I get back into a relationship I won't finish school in the next five years like I want to with my Bachelors and Masters if I do. I will be worried I am not focusing enough on "him" and would either quit school or not worry about working harder to make sure I keep the 4.0 GPA.

I am not going to take the easy way out, I am committed to doing this! I am not a spring chicken anymore and I do not have the time to put it off any longer. I will finish both of my degree programs which will benefit me at work and help make the path to career development so much smoother. My degrees will be beneficial at my current job, but if something happens they could be used in the health care, social services, human service, governmental agencies, psychology, education fields or as a social scientist. 

Going back to school wasn't enough I got tired of seeing what was looking back at me in the mirror. Diet and exercise is now a new priority. I have a one year goal and by next summer honestly hope to be at a healthy weight and enjoy buying clothes and looking in the mirror again.

Learning to love Dawn was the task at hand. It's not easy, life is never easy. If you want something you have to work at achieving your goals. Hard work and dedication will pay off it may take a few years but the benefits will pay off in the end!

"Leaders are made, they are not born. They are made by hard effort, which is the price which all of us must pay to achieve any goal that is worthwhile. " Vince Lombardi

#23 of "30 Things to Stop Doing to Yourself"

23. Stop trying to make things perfect. – The real world doesn’t reward perfectionists, it rewards people who get things done. Life's to short to waste time worrying about the little things!

Yes, life is too short to worry about the little things. The worst part is I am a bit of a perfectionist when it comes to some things; Cooking, baking, crafting, work and I guess in a lot of ways my love life. Why is it when it comes to the matters of the heart, trying to stop "worrying about the little things" is a little easier said than done. Is it possible to have a perfect relationship? Or the better question is... Is it possible to have a perfect relationship with out letting your heart get involved or assigning labels? Can you be with a person you enjoy spending time with, laugh with, enjoy and share the same interests with, have passion and intimacy with - but never let your heart get involved? Why is it some people are so afraid to let go? Me included! Have fun enjoy life and let whatever happens happen! "Finish each day and be done with it... Tomorrow is a new day." HA!!! Again easier said then done.

I wish someone could show me where to find the on/off switch for emotions and everything that has to do with "the matters of the heart." Maybe it has to do with morale's. We are taught that passion and intimacy is something you are suppose to share with a person you are in love and in a relationship with. So what is the true definition of a relationship??? The definition of relationship is, "The way in which two or more concepts, objects, or people are connected, or the state of being connected." So if you enjoy another persons company and the two of you have fun together does it matter if love is involved... Or if you use labels like boyfriend/girlfriend. Can't two people that are intimate and connected in every other way be in a perfect relationship, even if they never label that relationship or say those three words we have all come accustomed to thinking must go along with a relationship... The dreaded "I Love You.?"

Well instead of writing something that has already been said and written very eloquently I will share with you a recent post from my favorite blog that explains exactly how I feel at the moment. Words I have decided to try and live by!!! 

I L___ You!

For some people, it is easy to say those three words, "I love you." In fact, some people will say it to just about anyone .And then there are people on the other end of the spectrum for whom saying those three words is worse than having wisdom teeth pulled sans Novacaine. I think I'm somewhere in the middle.


My boyfriend would probably rather see a dentist who uses a crowbar and a rusty set of pliers.
This used to bother me, a lot. I felt like I was being rejected. Five years together (well okay, not that many when you consider WWIII in the middle there, but still...) and no love? Really?  Perhaps he didn't say it because he didn't care much about me, I thought. 


But then I realized that those three words don't mean jack. I can say them to any guy walking down the street right now, and they are just hollow words. It's the actions that count... and in actions, he has shown me many times over that he loves me.


As I searched for the photo to accompany this entry, I came across a blog post that echoed a lot of my own thoughts. 

"I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to need confirmation that I am lovable, through my partner stating/saying “I love you”.

I forgive myself that I have accepted and allowed myself to need my partner to constantly tell me that she loves me, so I don’t feel unlovable because I will feel unlovable if she does not confirm that I am actually lovable through her stating/saying that she loves me."

And so I am putting that baggage away, and moving forward with one less issue to drag along behind me.Photo and Quote Source: http://journeytolife.aldinhrvat.com/day-44-i-love-you-a-requirement-to-feel-lovable/

 
So, here goes to putting the baggage away like Embracing Womanhood says, allowing me to enjoy life and move forward without worrying about the labels or the words "I L___ You!" Thanks Laura... AGAIN :)

For those of you who follow Learning to Love Dawn you will also enjoying following my favorite blog I just stole the last post and photo from. Here's a link or you can find it listed as the first link under "Blogs I Follow" off to the right. Happy reading everyone!  http://embracingsinglehood.posterous.com/

If You Had Just 1 Wish

You find a Genie lamp, 

You're only offered 1 wish

What is your wish?

If I could have just one wish…

I would wish to wake up every day to the sound of your breath on my neck,

the warmth of your lips on my cheek,

the touch of your fingers on my skin,

and the feel of your heart beating with mine...

Knowing that I could never find that feeling with anyone other than you!

"Love is patient and kind; love is not jealous, or conceited, or proud; love is not ill-mannered, or selfish, or irritable; love does not keep a record of wrongs; love is not happy with evil, but is happy with the truth. Love never gives up: its faith, hope and patience never fail." -1 Corinthians 13:4-7

#22 of "30 Things to Stop Doing to Yourself"

“Above all, be the heroine of your life, not the victim.”~ Nora Ephron 

#22. Stop overlooking the beauty of small moments. – Enjoy the little things, because one day you may look back and discover they were the big things.  The best portion of your life will be the small, nameless moments you spend smiling with someone who matters to you. Everyone's definition of small and big are exactly the same. Funny thing though, while it is clearly defined what the visual difference is between small and big, when you refer to life events, the difference in the two definitions will vary from one extreme to the other. Why? Because there is a vast difference in perception of what one person thinks is a small moment vs. a big moment in one's life.

Learning to appreciate everything that comes our way in life is one of life's greatest pleasures and treasures. What is a small moment to me may be the biggest event ever in someone else's eyes and life, and vice-verse. One way to stop overlooking the beauty of the small moments is to stop being the victim! Drop the NEGATIVITY!!! Be thankful for the small things you do have in your life. Your life is not as bad as you think or want to make everyone else think... If someone has more than you that does not make your life any worse than there's.While money can buy you material things it CAN NOT buy you happiness no matter how much you think it can! Sure the material things are nice. However people with money have just as many problems as those of us who never seem to have enough. I could go on and on about stories we all hear in the media about this, that or the other person; the people who do have money. Their troubles are no worse than ours. In truth at times they are worse. True having a luxury car, big lavish home, clothes, being able to travel whenever and wherever or buy anything we want would all be great. But that is not the true meaning of happiness! Timothy 6:10 ~ For the love of money is the root of all evil: which while some coveted after, they have erred from the faith, and pierced themselves through with many sorrows. 

I have learned over the past few weeks how a small thing can be the biggest moment ever in one's life experiences. Only a few pennies spent towards what is possibly the HAPPIEST moments in my life! With the exception of course the birth of my children. The most important thing is I am accepting the lesson, what it taught me and I am moving on. Remember the quote above, “Above all, be the heroine of your life, not the victim,” and then chalk it up to life experience. Most of you know I decided to finally try the online dating thing. All I can say is WOW!!! LOL, yes I am not going to deny I went off the deep end, jumped in whole-heartedly and fell deeper than some of you think I should have! I disagree... This was a valuable life lesson and one I will cherish for a lifetime. YES, Prince Charming is most likely a FAKE! But even with that said, I am glad I had the opportunity to chat, text and talk with him. I am not ashamed to admit I fell in love with a picture. He has taught me so many life lessons in a very short time. Lessons that I must have needed to learn. I posted a pic on my FB page the other day once I finally realized I most likely have been the victim of a "Romance Scam" If God Answers Your Prayer, He is increasing your FAITH. If He Delays, He is increasing you PATIENCE. If He Doesn't Answer, He has something BETTER for you. All three of these I feel are very important and valuable life lessons. Faith, Patience and Better for me! Let's look at each lesson on it's own: 

Faith... You have to trust in yourself and if nothing else your first instinct or gut feeling! I was one of the lucky one's when it comes to the new wave of crime "Romance Scams." Believe it or not it is $17 billion dollar a year industry. I didn't fall off as deep as all of you think. I am not completely stupid. Yes I heard everyone's warnings and believe me I have spent countless hours searching hundreds of websites on the subject. What amazes me is the men and women that give up their entire life savings, sometimes in the 100's of thousands of dollars to someone they have never met face to face. Most of you will and can say all you want, "How dumb or desperate can these people be?" Take it from me first hand, dumb and desperate has nothing to do with it. Emotions are something we feel and we can not turn them off. NO MATTER how hard you try, it is impossible unless you don't have a heart. So if you are walking and breathing YOU have a heart! Remember this is a crime and the people doing the crime do this as their job, their lively hood and believe me they are very good at it!!! LMAO, yes I can laugh at the situation! I of course ended up with the one that doesn't bring up most of the red flags of the typical scammer. The scammer red flag characteristics can be broken down into 4 parts: First contact, communication skills, their habits and their inconsistencies. My Prince Charming met basically every red flag under the first contact category... ROTFLMAO but then so did I, and I am NOT a scammer!!! Okay maybe I am a little, I will admit his place of residence did raise an eyebrow and bring a glimmer of hope to the situation. He however does NOT meet any of the other 3 categories of the red flags. Go figure of course I end up with the BEST of the best, hahaha. Which is why I am not letting go just yet of the dream 100%... only 99.9% :) Lesson learned here is go with your first instinct and stick to it! However never loose faith in life or the "what if's" because sometimes miracles can and do happen... and since there is that 1/10% of if, or should I say IF. I will apologize now to Prince Charming since I have shared my blog with him and we have talked about it, so I know he has read it. I am sorry for doubting you. I have told you more than once it is difficult to believe you are who you say you are. Like we both say... Only time will tell


Patience... As far as virtues go this is not one of my best. I can be a total PEST to put it nicely. If you do not give me the answer I wan't when I ask for it! Prince Charming found this out the hard way, and so have most of you that know me too :) What I have learned is patience is not only kind, but it goes hand and hand with trust, one of my best virtues. I will trust you till the end of time; because I truly believe we all have good inside of us in some way or form. Grudges, negativity and hate are horrible emotions and will tear you apart slowly but surely from the inside out. So you have to trust with all your heart and be patient that one day everything will make sense and work out for the best!


Better for me... None of us have all the answers to life. No one EVER will. This is the most important lesson of all three. While I may be the victim of a romance scam; I will say like I did in my last post, THANK YOU Prince Charming! The road in my life for the past 3 1/2 years has been the bumpiest and I hope to never to go over it again. If you are who you say you are, you have promised I will not have to worry about traveling that road again. Before I met you I never thought I would find my way off that road. You got me off that road. You have taught me that I can get off that road simply by living, loving and laughing again. Enjoying every moment that comes my way! I have to look at this lesson as a happy place in my life. I love you! I have no choice but to look at it and you like that, otherwise the effects will be forever damaging. Don't get me wrong there is a huge piece of me that wishes you will knock on the door and be real. Reality is, I don't think it will EVER happen!!! I will give you credit, you are damn good at what you do. I have no regrets... I still believe with all my heart you can't live life on "what if's." LOL, stranger (insert Fbomb) things in life have happened and while I have managed to physically prove to myself you are a fake; you never know, you might just prove me wrong... AGAIN! You've done it every other time I have tried to doubt you. Still too many things add up. The positives definitely outweigh the negatives. Which is why I am at 1/10%  of faith and not quite ready to write you off completely as a fake. Hahaha, it's not like I have never copied and pasted a quote or saying to express something I was feeling. Back to our favorite saying...Only time will tell. If it does end up you are a fake you came into my life a gentleman and you to date have gone out the same way. In the mean time and facing reality, I do have to look at the whole picture. Maybe I will or won't venture back online to give it one more shot. This time a whole lot wiser and definitely grateful because you came in to my life :) Thank you and again... Time will tell

They say life is about simple pleasures, what is your simplest pleasure, and how does it make you feel? 

The simplest pleasures in life are the one's most of us overlook or never realize they were in front of us. Don't close your eyes and let the little things pass you by. ENJOY and APPRECIATE every moment of the small things in life you never know when they may turn out to be the BIG moments! You honestly and truly can not put a price tag on HAPPINESS!!!

#21 of "30 Things to Stop Doing to Yourself"

Life is a JOURNEY... Not a guided tour!

#21 Stop doing the same things over and over without taking a break. – The time to take a deep breath is when you don’t have time for it.  If you keep doing what you’re doing, you’ll keep getting what you’re getting.  Sometimes you need to distance yourself to see things clearly. I love, love, love this! For so very long I have been guilty of doing the same things over and over in an attempt to please everyone else. At work, at home, in relationships, in my life in general. Especially in the love life part of my life. For all of you "East Countiers" you know East County is intern-twined so tightly it is almost impossible to met someone who doesn't know someone. He's your friends ex, friend of a friend or connected in one way or another to a chapter in your life. I felt the only way to, "Stop doing the same things over and over without taking a break." was to step out of the East County box!

I started blogging on January 1st with the intent to post daily about the "30 Things to Stop Doing to Yourself," and finish off the month learning about myself and taken the necessary steps forward to love me. I was not successful in getting through all 30 things within the month, as you can see since I am only on #21 after six months. LOL, okay it has taken a little longer than originally intended. In my defense, after so many years of doing the same things over and over, always for someone other than myself. It took a lot longer to honestly let go, and start feeling comfortable in doing things for me. I feel 100% confident in saying I have finally given it all up. I am doing things for me... Learning to love myself and embracing the future and all of its wondrous possibilities. It doesn't mean I have walked away from everyone or everything, throwing my hands up saying, "Not my problem any more, handle it yourself." It just means I have decided to work on making myself better. Taking more risks in the pursuit of bettering myself. Now looking at the glass half full all the time. Most importantly if I believe in something and someone else has negative input, I look at their concern as caring, for which I am truly grateful. But now I go with what is in my heart and move forward, not changing things just to make them happy. In the past that is exactly what I would do. Same thing over and over, never taking a breath. Always worrying about everyone's feelings and thoughts, not once thinking about me or trusting in myself enough to believe my thoughts were valid or that I deserved to be happy.

Remember this year my New Year resolution was "It's ALL about me!" It has taken me longer than I had expected or hoped it would take me to realize this to be factual. The recent turn of events in my life has made me open my eyes and my mind even wider and truly understand what that means to me. I posted a status on my FB page the other day I have come to love and decided to live by.

It took me over three years to get over my last relationship. Finally being able to walk away and move forward believing that there is someone else out there for me. Is it cliche to say, "Someone better. Someone who will love me for me." Yeah it might be? However, I decided to take the risk, explore the opportunities. See if there really could be someone out there for me. A step up to someone who would love me for who I am. And more important who would treat me like a true partner in life. Exploring and enjoying all of life's adventures together. Learning together what it means to live that perfectly balanced life... The happily ever-after as the fairy tales would say.

I stepped out of the box. Deciding to stop doing the same thing over and over, which was consistently running back. Belittling myself and begging PLEASE let me come home. How did I step out of the box? I finally listened to several of my friends who kept saying I should try online dating. I fought this idea for a long, long time. Nervous about the unknown. What if he's a freak? What if he's a serial killer? What if he's a liar? What if... What if... What if??? I mentioned previously the FB quote I posted, well here it is! "Sometimes you have to just take a chance in love and life. You can't live your life amongst a mound of "What IF's" You have to follow your ♥ and hope for the best!

The past couple weeks I have been happier than I can honestly say I have been in years... Maybe in my entire lifetime! Yet it has been a constant struggle too. Knowing what I feel in my ♥ of hearts, yet allowing the "what if's" to creep into my mind. Coupled by the overwhelming cautions, care and love I have been receiving from my friends. Not because they don't want me to be happy, only because they are true friends that care about me and my heart.

Do you believe in love at first sight... Okay so in today's world of technology, love at first chat? LOL, well here's the definition: Love at first sight: An instantaneous attraction to someone. Is it possible to fall head over heels or fall in love with someone that is only a picture, text message, chat online and a voice over the phone? Well I do believe in love at first sight, and luckily for me so does he :) Yes I hear everyone and appreciate all the comments. Believe me, even though you don't think I am listening, I am. Have I jumped off the deep end? Yeah a little LOL, however I am being cautious. Of course I want all the non-believers to be wrong. Looking forward to the neener-neener day ;) With today's social media things have changed a little. We meet different people in ways we are not accustomed to. And yes it does feel a bit strange. But there is nothing written anywhere, nor is there a hard fast rule that your first encounter has to be face to face.

Only time will tell... to be exact 288 hours and 35 minutes hahahahahaha. I will continue to look at the glass as half full. Remaining hopeful that I did meet my perfect match on match.com and this is just the beginning to a what is going to be two people working together to maintain a successful relationship for many years to come. It's easy to keep the faith, trust and believe that the possibilities are endless when you have a true Prince Charming giving you hope and insight to his needs, in his own words what his expectations are in life and love:
"Besides love, what one trait have you noticed in couples that have maintained a successful relationship for many years?"
My response, "Trust!" 
His response, "I don't think there is just one, I think there needs to be trust, laughter, honesty, passion...they really enjoy each other and laugh together and have fun together... it is trusting each other and being comfortable together... similar values and desires in life too...a willingness to share all of life's adventures...They work together as a team."
My response, "You said just one trait! LOL" 


This is only one of hundreds of conversations we have had. He is the perfect gentleman, passionate, caring and loving. Most important he cares about my kids too! So yeah I have jumped off the deep end. Wouldn't you? Hahahaha. I am also realistic and will agree he sounds too good to be true. If he shows up in San Diego on June 29th my first thought will be, See dreams can come true. If he doesn't show up I thank him for showing me that I can love again, it's not hopeless... And man that was a heck of a ride!!!

In the words of Tinkerbell :) "All you have to do is BELIEVE!!! All you need is faith, trust... and a little pixie dust."  Thanks for listening... that is all!!!